is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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