My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize