My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
