This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
