How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
