I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
