The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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