She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
