Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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