I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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