Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
