he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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