I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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