just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
