I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize