guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
