it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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