since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Of course I have a pirate flag
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
