her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
