From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
