His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
sarcasm needs its own font
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
