i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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