i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize