I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
