these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
