Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
