Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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