ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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