so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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