Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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