May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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