What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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