Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
