I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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