Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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