I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
