god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
