Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
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