Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
