You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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