This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
