Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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