I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
