Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
