mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
