the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
