just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
