Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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