Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
