i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
