i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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