My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
