I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I intend to get homeless drunk
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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