i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I am naked and annoyed.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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