I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize