Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
