he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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