New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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