I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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