youre lurking in front of me
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
