fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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