A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
