You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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