i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
