I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
