Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
