If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
