I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
