His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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