call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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