At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
