apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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