I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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