Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
