U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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