Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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