my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
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