I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
