I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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