You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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