It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize