just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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