My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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