I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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