I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
