Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
