Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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