Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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