there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
