this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
