Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
My vagina just recognized that song.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
