Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
