did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
