Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
