Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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