bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
