Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
