every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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