i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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