i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
