I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
