If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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