I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
