you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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